All You Need Is Love?

My (Amanda's) opinions on adoption started when I was really young, maybe ten or twelve. I had read a series of books by a Canadian author named Kit Pearson about children who were sent from Britain to Canada during the Second World War and were fostered with Canadian families for their safety. During the war some of these children's families died and their Canadian foster families decided to adopt them and they never went back to Britain. This was my first exposure to the concept of adoption and I remembered being so moved by the love these Canadian families gave to these orphaned children. I remember going to my Dad and asking him if he would ever consider adoption and receiving not quite the positive response I was expecting. I also remember thinking, "Well, you're clearly wrong," and deciding that adoption was the most Christian thing we could ever do. 

I remember when I started dating Craig, being on a bus in Northern Ireland on our way to Dublin to visit my family there. I brought up adoption and asked if he had ever thought about it. He was completely spooked by my question and stumbled some answer that I can't remember, but was probably thinking in his head that he had one of those overly-clingy girlfriends who was already planning the wedding and their 2.5 kids. He probably thought he should ditch me then and there. Thankfully, he didn't. 

I remember struggling with infertility and feeling like a failure as a woman. I was unable to do the one thing that biologically women are designed to do and just wallowing in these feelings of uselessness. I remember mentally screaming at God, "What is my purpose if I can't have kids???" God was so gracious during that period as he very gently brought me to the realisation that my self-worth comes from my identity in Him not in my ability to have children (if you read my blog post on my experience with burnout, you will have noticed that I forgot this lesson of identity in Christ and God needed to re-teach it to me once again). He also reaffirmed to me that I would one day be a mother and my thoughts then moved to adoption once again. I had no problems with the concept of adopting, mainly because of that book series I read in childhood, and the thought of loving something that was not mine biologically didn't phase me one bit. I felt I had so much love to give and someone somewhere needed it. Craig had a different path to embracing adoption from that bus in Northern Ireland to becoming an adoptive father, and that's his story to share, but he now feels very passionate about the role of the church in facilitating and supporting adoption. We are adopted by God, so why should we not adopt others? 

I remember doing some research into adoption ethics and being confronted, for the first time, with the fact that a child might be better with their birth family living in poverty in the middle of the jungle, than with me, who has so much love to give and more resources to share. I remember feeling that it was unfair to all the infertile mothers who could do such a better job than some other ones and provide such better opportunities to children to not give them the chance. I remember having to work through a lot internally to accept that family restoration is best and adoption should be second best; recognising that my previous attitude was driven by my own hurt and suffering and not what was actually best for anybody. 

I remember meeting a married, Christian man who was unable to have children as well. We had just adopted Sam, and he was very much still in the baby phase and I lived constantly between the emotional highs and lows of new motherhood, but was absolutely over-the-moon with my new son. This man explained how adoption in the States tended to lean towards accepting children with special needs, whether that be physical, emotional or mental, and that he and his wife decided that they did not want to do that. I remember holding my son and thinking, "Who wouldn't chose this?" And yes, I wrongfully, internally, judged him. I thought, "Aren't we called to take care of the orphans among us if we can?" I mean, even if one can have children biologically, you can't guarantee that they are born healthy or 'normal'. That's just life. 

I now look back at all these memories on our adoption journey and feel really conflicted. I would absolutely, 100% do it again. I would make the same choices and Sam would be exactly where he is; with us. However, I also look back and think about how naive I was. I had this idea of what adoption was and it's not that my idea or conception of adoption was wrong, it's that adoption is a lot more complex than I thought. And whenever an issue becomes complex, having dogmatic statements or beliefs about it doesn't really work any more. I naively thought that enough love would fix any problems. Well, Craig and I are watching a video series from Texas Christian University's Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development, which explicitly states that for children from hard places (adopted, fostered, institutionalised, etc.) love is most definitely not enough. I learnt about the psychological concept of the 'good enough' parent; no one is perfect but parents just have to be 'good enough' to raise children. I naively thought that this concept could apply to me. Well, this video series again says that when dealing with adopted, fostered, etc, children you can't just be 'good enough', you have to be better than 'good enough'... way to pile on the pressure. 

Children like Sam, simply put, live with trauma. For whatever reason, they didn't receive the necessary affection and security they needed in their early life to develop normally. They learnt how to survive on their own and their brain is literally wired differently because of this. They have control issues, they have self-regulating issues, they have emotional mood swings, they have trouble understanding cause and effect, and they do not respond to traditional parenting because they already live in fear. They constantly fear that the affection they are now receiving might not be there one day. Some of them develop sensory input issues, a lot express their fear through anger and aggression and would rather be angry than calm, because being calm means a loss of control of the situation or letting their guard down. This is my child and I am so thankful that we now know why.

The video series calls these children "children from hard places", and I love how the definition is so inclusive and most definitely includes Sam. Watching the video series makes me really emotional because I see other kids acting out and doing the exact same things that Sam does and I don't feel so alone, and I know he is also not alone. 

We are right now discovering all this and seeking to make the necessary changes in our parenting style. It is an extremely sanctifying process, because you now don't have room to deal with your own baggage/tiredness/stress in a way that affects your child at all. The amount of patience needed is extreme and we are realising that we have to pray AT ALL TIMES; every time he has a meltdown, gets frustrated and we need to deal with it in our 'new' way, we have to pray, because the 'new' way does not come naturally and it definitely was not how I was parented, so I have no model to relate to. 

It also makes me miss my family a lot. We have made friends here who have been really supportive, and even introduced us to the resources we are using now. But I am struggling with feelings of guilt as I deprive my child of further unconditional love and support by living so far away from our family. I know that if Sam were playing with his cousin and had an outburst, that he and I would be safe from stares and judgement in the person of my sister. That she loves him regardless of his struggles and how that manifests in his life. I am struggling to let go of the desire to justify my son to everyone and say, "This is why he's like this!" I mean, this whole blog post could be construed as me continuing to justify my son to the world (though I think it's more than that). I want to get to the point where I am free from the fear of the people looking on and wondering, "Why?" as they observe him. Maybe I'll get there one day. Because I do also know that my kid is awesome! He has such a big heart. Yesterday, I was lying in bed having a rest and he brought his blankets from his room so I could be more comfortable. He constantly lists all the things that he loves and is always wanting to help. 

Overall, my opinion on adoption is generally the same, though a lot more complex as well. I am no longer naive in this process, but down in the trenches and I am happy to be there. I can say I still believe and am passionate about adoption, I believe in family restoration first and adoption second, and I believe in the importance of the role of the church in cultivating an atmosphere where adoption is encouraging and facilitated. However, I would now say that adoption is not for everyone and you should have a good long look at your life and character before considering it, and that everyone has the right to make that decision. And I most definitely agree with my Dad when he said all those years ago that he wouldn't adopt; probably a good call there. But thank you for raising me to be someone who could.

Here is Sam in traditional cochabambino dress at a recent
school event.

Prayer Points

• Last month we mentioned the impending visit of Joel Likins, from Ohio. We had a great time with Joel, getting to know him a lot better, and taking him to one of our favourite places in this area: Refugio Los Volcanes. He was a happy man.
• We were also visited by a former colleague of Craig's from Scotland, Steve Begarnie. Steve taught Biology at West Calder High School, Craig's last teaching stint before we came to Bolivia. He was here to visit a local school as well as tour this great country.
• Last month, Amanda also wrote in detail about the very sad recent passing of Edwin Fernández. Langham HQ were determined that the initial plans in Santa Cruz be realised, and we were blessed last weekend by the visit of Latin American director Igor Améstegui and national worker Freddy Huanca. They led a training course for future escuelita leaders here in Santa Cruz. From nothing, there are now up to 12 new preaching groups in the pipeline! There will be a 'Level 1' three-day workshop for all of the new groups in mid-September. Pray for the preparations for that event, in which Craig will be involved, and particularly for prayerful selection of new participants.
• We continue to see great blessing in the church. At the end of May we held a big churrasco (essentially an industrial-strength Bolivian barbecue) and it was great to see most of the church stay around for it after the service. In terms of preaching, Craig has recently begun a series in the Ten Commandments, which has been well received so far. And Amanda is part of a team looking to relaunch the children's ministry. Lots of exciting things to give thanks for.
• Pray for guidance from the Lord as we weigh up Sam's future educational options. He loves the nursery he attends now, which provides him with a full-scale pre-kindergarten programme, and we are delighted with the teaching and care he gets there. However, we have some big decisions to make as to his longer-term future.
• Finally, we are just a month away now from the arrival of a team from Mount Albert Bible Chapel in Ontario, who will be accompanying us as we travel back to...Trinidad! This was a longstanding engagement with a church we know well, planned some time before Craig got the nod for the Trinity pastorate. The church have very kindly allowed us to honour this commitment. Please pray for the visit of this team, who will be involved in children's ministry and other tasks around Fundación Totaí and the church.

Finally, some illustrative pictures:

The view from the top of an amazing climb with Joel Likins, at Refugio.

Saying cheerio to Steve Begarnie at the airport. 

Igor in action at the Santa Cruz escuelita coordinators' workshop.

Craig with Igor. The toppermost of top blokes.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

The Absence of Something Beautiful

On the third Sunday of every month, my (Amanda's) youth group at my home church in Canada, would visit two seniors' homes between the morning and evening services and sing hymns for the residents. When I was eleven years-old I remember being so excited about turning twelve because it meant that I would be in youth group and get to go to the seniors' homes too. My excitement was not borne out of a calling to the geriatric community, nor do I feel I have a musical gifting. The excitement was that the youth got to stay in the church building between services, as there was not a lot of time to go home after singing and then come back for evening service. In reality the singing at the seniors' homes was just something you had to do to be able to hang out with your friends afterwards. I am sure some of the youth might have had stronger feelings towards the singing than I did, but the truth was that I was there for the social aspect, not the ministry one. 

Despite my shallower motivations, I have fond memories of those Sunday visits. I can still see some of the residents' faces and how much the visit meant to some of them. And the truth is that I learned some very important life lessons over the years visiting the same two seniors' homes. One important lesson was about pushing myself outside my comfort zone; you see, after the singing we were encouraged to walk around and shake hands with the seniors and try and chat. When I started I was twelve and none of the residents were my own grandparents. I definitely felt awkward trying to talk to strangers; I mean, what does one say to old people? But over time I was able to see what the effort meant to some of the residents, and I learned that, while my comfort zone might be comfortable, it wasn't helping anyone but me. I learned that we are supposed to live outside our comfort zones, which is a lesson that has stood me in good stead on the mission field. 

However, I would like to focus on the second lesson I took away from these monthly field trips: true beauty. We visited two seniors' homes; one was a private Christian seniors' home and one was a state-run seniors' home. Firstly, I am not saying the Christian nursing home was full of Christians and the secular one full of atheists, because that's not statistically probable. But I will say that the Christian home had a higher percentage of people who held to the Christian faith as residents.  When I started as a twelve-year-old, I probably wasn't able to put my finger on why one home was easier to visit than the other, or why one home had a brighter atmosphere. The two homes were probably filled with residents fighting the same chronic conditions, who grew up in the same city, if not the same neighbourhoods, with very similar cultural experiences, and while a little bit of the difference could be attributed to private vs. public healthcare, the difference wasn't really on the walls or in the medical equipment: it was in the people. I spent years observing the difference and not being able to put my finger on it, until one day I had a conversation with my one of my youth leaders afterwards. I can't repeat the enlightening conversation verbatim, because I don't remember it. I only remember the lesson, but maybe it went something like this: 

Youth Leader: Did you have a nice conversation with 'little old lady x'?

Me: Yeah, I did. She's really nice and I like talking to her.

Youth Leader: She's not nice, she's beautiful. 

Me (really looking at the elderly lady): Yeah, you're right. She is beautiful. 

Youth Leader: It's because you can see Jesus in her. When I'm her age, I want to be beautiful like her too. 

Me: [mind blown!]

What teenage girl doesn't struggle with their own appearance and the concept of beauty? What teenage girl is not exposed to society telling them to be thinner, have a smaller nose, larger breasts, wear make-up, etc? Until that moment, beauty was physical for me, and then suddenly it wasn't. Or, better said, until that moment physical beauty was dependent on something we did to our physical bodies, but then I realised that true beauty (all of it... physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) was dependent on how much of Christ people could see shining out. It was like an equation in my mind; as Christ grew and I diminished, I would be more beautiful. And, as we know, this is the act of sanctification in our lives. That is why a seniors' home is a great place to go to see true beauty; there are people there who have spent more years than I can even fathom letting Christ grow and becoming more and more beautiful! 

The reason I have written all of this is because of Edwin. If you are supporters of ours, or on our email list, you will have received an email from Craig this week about the passing of Edwin Fernandez, and this post is about him, because he was truly beautiful. I can't think about him without thinking about those seniors' homes and learning the meaning of beauty. And I can't stop crying every time I think about him, because someone who was truly beautiful is just not here any more, and it feels like something is missing.

The truth is, I kind of feel like I don't have the right to have such strong feelings about Edwin because I didn't even know him that well. Edwin was the Bolivian national coordinator for the Langham Preaching programme. He traveled all over Bolivia running the training sessions for the 'escuelitas' and I first met him in 2015 when Craig helped organise the 'escuelita' in Trinidad. I wasn't involved in Langham, I never went to one of the weekend training sessions and I never worked with him. But most times he passed through Trinidad he stayed in our house for a night and I had the privilege of hosting him. He first came before we adopted Sam, and every time he came back after Sam's adoption  he got to see how big he had grown.

He was also the first person to challenge me about my struggles. He saw the problem before I recognised there was one. Near the beginning he would ask Craig if I was OK and if everything was alright. He would comment to Craig that I didn't seem like myself and ask if anything was wrong, and once I admitted I had a problem, Craig would share with him what we were struggling with. And one month ago, I was sitting next to him in a restaurant in Santa Cruz and he told me that I seemed so much better, with more life in me and more joy. He was so happy for me and in a way, even before he passed on, I felt he had walked with us through our burnout experience. He was a truly beautiful person. With very limited contact, he impacted my life in an indescribable way, so much so that I am really struggling to process his death. 

I bet we could all close our eyes right now and picture that person or those people who are truly beautiful in our lives, because we see Christ shining out of them so clearly that the beauty is blinding. Praise God for these people in our lives, and thank God that we get to witness real beauty. 

Prayer Points

• We are expecting a visit next week from Joel Likins from Lexington Church of Christ in Ohio. We are looking forward to spending time with him and showing him around Santa Cruz. Please pray that God would bless our time together.
• Last week we were in La Paz for our Latin Link Bolivia Conference for five days. We had a great time, but please pray that we settle back into our life and routine quickly, especially for Sam. 
• We lost Small Tiggy. This was Sam's special stuffed animal since he came to live with us. We think Tiggy got left on the plane on the way to La Paz. While Sam is consciously dealing with his loss well, we think he has lost an avenue of comfort and this is affecting his behaviour. Please pray for him in this.
• For our time in the Latin Link Bolivia Conference. We feel blessed to have such great support in-country and enjoyed this time with our 'family' (pictured, above).
• Sam had his English assessment for the English Christian school that we would like him to attend; he cooperated and there was no behavioural meltdown. Praise God. 
• For the friendships we are developing and enjoying in Santa Cruz. 

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig, Amanda & Sam

Are You Washed?

"Well, I bet they don't mention that in their prayer letters!"

Such was my internal reaction a few years ago upon first visiting the home of a missionary family here in Bolivia. Over the years, we'd learned of overseas Christian workers occasionally abusing the long leash they have been granted -- in some cases we'd experienced this at first hand. For many it was a case of destructive behaviour towards colleagues and even family members; for others, the relative cheapness of the developing world had afforded a lifestyle of opulence well beyond their reach in the west -- and one that, alas, doubled as a fortress to put them well beyond the reach of the locals they were supposed to be helping.

So when I walked through the door that day and the first thing that jumped out to me was the swimming pool, an eyebrow involuntarily raised itself. (As it happened, this family had very wisely -- and cost-effectively -- simply dug a big hole in the garden while building their house, tiled it, and filled it with water.)

My inverse-pool-snobbery, however, has long since died a death. For it was in the September heat of last year that I practically crawled into a local toy shop, pointed gaspingly to the biggest inflatable paddling pool they had, handed over the dosh, motored home with a newly-acquired pump, let the hose run for about an hour, and without further ado, gleefully fully-immersed myself ("once a baptist...") in an extra-large DIY bath. I did it for Sam, of course.

It's spring here again and the Trinidad mercury is rising; 35 Celsius with humidity. The rainy-season levees are yet to break. And all the while, Sam's paddling-pool is fast becoming a permanent fixture of our front garden; in many ways, simply a damper, cooler extension of our front living room. Wonderfully, it's a place where the three of us can be in close proximity and not in any way irritate each another. And it's a place that's hosted a fair few children and their parents just in the last two or three weeks. While Sam and friends have beavered away to recover the Lego city of Atlantis (that's when he's not chucking the pieces), we've had several great conversations with friends and neighbours. 

Look! People coming to our house again! Our very willingness to open our doors as before is another sure sign of God's healing work in our hearts of late. What joy to break bread with friends, waist-deep in mud-tinged water in the company of inflatable superheroes. Now just watch for those Lego pieces where you sit, mind.

Prayer Points

• Last week, I (Craig) neglected to mention that at the Latin Link retreat, I was elected to serve on Latin Link Bolivia's executive committee. In a nutshell, this will require me to meet with my fellow committee members four times a year in order to oversee the general direction of the Latin Link Bolivia team: planning events, making sure everyone is being well looked after, and ensuring Bolivia is playing its part in meeting Latin Link's strategic objectives. I appreciate your prayers for myself, Julie Noble (left) and Graham Frith (far right). Louis Woodley, second-from-right, is the outgoing (in more than one sense!) team leader. We give thanks for his wise and humble leadership of the team in our first two years.

• Here are some other recent 'poolside' guests: José and Katyana, a young couple who have recently started coming along to the church and helping in various areas. Give thanks for a nice afternoon with them last Sunday.
• Sam's behaviour has largely improved this week; he has been a lot more cooperative as he has become more settled here. Give thanks.
• Please also pray for a couple in our church who are having some marriage difficulties just now. Amanda was able to spend time with the wife in the last week, and it was a great example of God using our somewhat traumatic recent experiences to indirectly help others. Still, please keep that couple -- who we will not name here -- in your prayers.
• Though we have only been back for a month now, we feel we have a much more sustainable pattern of life and ministry in place. Give thanks.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig, Amanda & Sam

Saturday Post -- 17/03/18

The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.

Well, we made it out of Trinidad. All our paperwork is in order and a visa-stamped passport is in our hands. To be frank, the decision to take a time-out in the early days of January had since been backed up by so many little confirmations in the succeeding months that any other result would have seemed inconceivable.

But, my goodness, we're not half made to sweat these things out!

The UK's consulate in Bogotá (where South American applications are sent) have a three-week target time in which to process all applications. And this target is generally met -- we have enough experience to know! So it was pretty unnerving that on the morning of the 7th, exactly three weeks later, we'd heard barely a word. However, that afternoon, we finally received an email confirming that the application was now in the hands of an entry clearance officer. The following day, we were advised that the decision had been made and that the documents would be back with us in four working days.

And so it was that this past Tuesday -- one day short of four weeks since we'd submitted the papers, and one day before we were due to leave Trinidad for Santa Cruz -- we received word from our friend in La Paz that, yes, the visa had been granted. By this point we had very much 'packed in faith', with half of our luggage already on its way to Santa Cruz with one of the local bus companies (the best way to deliver large items in Bolivia is to use road or air travel operations). So, yes, exhalations all round.

That's better.

And, yes, more to the point, that Canadian passport could not come sooner!

The visa's granting was the final piece in our paperwork jigsaw, with both our national ID cards and driving licences pending the last time we filed. Amanda's were due to expire on Sunday -- a day before we leave the country -- while I spent over a week, er, driving without a valid licence (in fairness, in doing so, I was perfectly in step with the vast majority of Trinidad's motorists; curiously enough, the local fuzz only tend to check for licences when big national and local boozefests -- sorry, holidays -- are approaching).

Anyway, when the woman at the office confessed to us that she was still awaiting the outcome of applications submitted last year, our stress levels again took an upward trajectory. However, in this case, too, we made it by the skin of our teeth; on Monday, two days before we left Trinidad, we were handed our new five-year ID cards and driving licences. In truth, we could probably have just about managed without them before leaving the country; it was our re-entry later this year which would have become much more complicated.

Sam, Amanda and Jessica, who has the good fortune of sharing her name with
the classic Top Gear theme tune.

In hindsight, then, the calming influence in our midst over the past week or so was surely providence writ large. Amanda's old friend Jessica Morris arrived a week past on Thursday and proved an immense help, whether in the tedious practical chores required before such a big departure, or keeping an eye on His Lordship while we dashed from one government office to the next, or in simply helping us stay positive and distracted from these big concerns through stimulating conversation. Amanda had been commenting that, perhaps one reason we have come to this crossroads in our lives and ministry, is that there has always existed a temptation to prove to others -- and, by extension, to ourselves -- that we are 'doing stuff'. Certain platforms, if we're not careful, can encourage this mentality: this very blog, of course, is one; and visits from the outside world are often another. 

With Jessica, mercifully, that was never going to be the case: firstly, because, of course, our tanks were pretty much empty anyway; and secondly, because, like any friend or family member who has taken the effort to come out and visit us, our value to Jessica was in no way based upon what we do.

What's more, Jessica also falls within that very small bracket of friends whom Amanda would describe as, "Those people you can hang out with for the first time in years and just pick up from where you left off." No targets to meet, no big shows to put on, no judgement, no big deal. But yes, lots of exquisite beniano steak and fish to sample with abandon, per our guest's explicit instructions.

*                 *                 *

That, friends, is probably it in terms of our weekly/fortnightly updates for the time being. We are under orders to ensure these coming months will be a time not only of restoration, but of rest, and removing the regular pressure of coming up with something to riff on every weekend is certainly part of that (I know what you're thinking: we make it look so easy, don't we!). 

However, this impending season is likely to be crucial for us in terms of our future direction, and so we're hoping to keep regular readers appraised as to our progress, say, once a month or so. We'll see how that transpires.

We also intend to keep producing our usual quarterly email updates, so if you'd like to receive these regularly, please do send us an email at cramandaham@gmail.com. 

Until next time, then, here are our prayer points:

Prayer

• For our time in the UK, specifically...
• For Craig: That he would learn to rest properly and be enabled to make healthy decisions as to his ministry life.
• For Amanda: That she would be restored to a place where she is better able to serve others while taking better care of herself.
• For Sam: That he would have regular opportunities for play, learning and interaction with his contemporaries.
• For us all: That we would be built up and encouraged by our time with friends and family; that our treatment would enable us to be better equipped to return to Bolivia later this year; and that God would guide us as to the next steps we should be taking in our lives as a family.
• For smooth and safe travels over the coming week. Pray particularly for abundant reserves of patience and endurance, with a toddler in tow, an overnight transatlantic flight, and a seven-hour layover the next day in Frankfurt. A heady brew!
• Pray for the work in Trinidad, both of Fundación Totaí and the church (see our last entry) from which we are recusing ourselves in order to get a proper break, but which, of course, will continue in earnest in our absence. 

Praise

• Perhaps the strongest confirmation of God's will for our return to the UK has been the way he has so emphatically met our needs. We will have a car and we are a pen to about to put pen to paper on a flat for the next few months. Give thanks.
• For the great encouragement and refreshment of Jessica's visit (you can find Jessica's own reflections here). 
• For the various documents coming together in time for us to be able to travel with a great weight off our minds. We got there in the end.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 3/3/18

Church planning. Calm yourselves.

"It's getting tickly now – squeaky-bum time, I call it."

Wise words, indeed, from the greatest football manager of all time, Sir Alexander Chapman Ferguson, on the occasion of the closing weeks of the 2003 Premier League title race. And it's fair to say that, with all that's going on just now -- or, indeed, not going on, as the case may be -- the bums are a-squeaking.

We knew after our last experience that the visa wait would not be without its complications, though we are a little surprised not to have heard anything by this point. We are due to leave Sao Paulo for Scotland on the 20th of March -- and Trinidad a good few days before that -- so an answer of some kind this week would be most welcome.

However, things are a little stickier -- or squeakier -- this time, owing to other "events, dear boy". For our (Craig & Amanda's) government-issued ID cards are due to expire just before we're hoping to leave the country. These are required to perform most transactions here. Now our paperwork has all been submitted, though there have been some major delays due to IT problems in the relevant offices in La Paz and Trinidad. Now, if we had to travel before they were issued, it would simply be a case of a friend picking them up and somehow getting them to Scotland from Bolivia over the coming months, so we could have them when we return later in the year. No big deal then. Except that tied to our ID cards' expiry dates are our driving licence expiry dates. And our driving licences are a separate submission which can only be accepted once our ID cards are issued (and may itself take any number of weeks to process). So we can get the car to Santa Cruz, where we are hoping to leave it with a friend while we're in the UK, but there is no guarantee that we'll have even submitted the driving licence paperwork before we leave Bolivia, meaning we'd not be able to drive a car for a good few weeks upon our return!

It's all very complicated, isn't it. If you don't need a lie-down after reading all that, simply pray for "all that paperwork stuff" -- the Holy Spirit will doubtless fill in the blanks (Romans 8:26).

Amidst all the bureaucratic busyness, there's a lot to be excited about. 

Firstly, my Excuse Of The Week for last Saturday's non-post was a long-awaited church planning day, the first time we had embarked upon such a venture. It's par for the course for many churches at the beginning of the year, and we had been talking about it for a while. However, the need became more urgent when it became apparent that Amanda and I would be gone a good few months, leaving Miguel Ángel as the sole elder. 

So a couple of months ago, Miguel Ángel and I took the decision to appoint a group of capable young guys to come alongside us and, while not take on the role of elder as yet, at least provide a team that can give support to Miguel Ángel, whose plate is already very full in his role as a father and as president of the foundation. And we thought that we may as well dust down the planning day idea as a way of marking the occasion.

Trinidad is not the biggest of cities, and it can be difficult to be truly free of distractions within its boundaries. So we opted to head for the lake which, though just three miles outside of town, feels like another world. A friend of ours graciously offered us some space on the grounds of his hotel and we simply sat at a big table in a quieter spot, spending the day prayerfully mapping out the coming months. We were able to thrash out a new mission and vision statement (something we hadn't revised for six years as a church) and put together a strategic plan with three main targets: firstly, getting the message of the new mission and vision into the lifeblood of the everyday life of the church; secondly, giving clearer definition to the roles of people in various positions of responsibility; and thirdly, establishing better contacts with the families of the many under-18s in attendance every week (most of whose parents are not yet believers). 

Of course, I say 'we', but we all agree that it's pretty crucial for me not to get involved in the next few months. It's not great for the church to have someone helping to pull the strings from so far away, especially when there are other capable people here. And, more importantly, it's not helpful for us as a family at a time when we need the time and space to rest and re-assess things.

The other exciting development is that, at a time when understanding friends have been hard to come by, one of Amanda's very best friends, Jessica Morris, is due here on Thursday morning, for a week's stay (the idea is to drive her back to Santa Cruz the following week, before we fly out ourselves; but 'one day at a time' and all that). Visits are always good and friends are always doubly welcome. It's just a shame so many of them end up leaving these tropical climes with squeaky bums.

Prayer

• For "all that paperwork stuff" (see above).
• For a sense of peace as we prepare to leave while not being 100% sure when that will be.
• For the new leadership team at the church.
• For safe travels for -- and good times with -- Jessica.

Praise

• For God's guiding hand on a great day last Saturday.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 23/12/17

Coca-Cola don't just own Christmas where you live.

This morning, after a couple of weeks of jazz carols and Handel's Messiah, I got in the car, finally succumbed to my true self and dusted down the downright tacky stuff (The Pogues excepted, of course). I wobbled my way along a flooded, potholed-street, children slipping on their backsides in the mud, while a horse rummaged through the binbags by the side of the road. And all the while, Bing Crosby's telling me 'It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas'.

This, of course, is the toughest time of year to be away from home, the result often being that every year, in an attempt to keep homesickness at bay, we have gone to great lengths -- perhaps greater lengths than we would do in the UK or Canada -- to make things as 'Christmassy' as possible. This was relatively simple a few years back, when there was a sufficiently large contingent of North American and European missionaries here to justify splashing out on a turkey and tolerating Cliff Richard for a day. In recent years, however, it's just been the three of us, meaning a whole day is spent in tropical temperatures, preparing a roast dinner that will be uncomfortable to eat, gone in 15 minutes and will not even feature aforementioned bird.

Well, 2017 may well go down in the annals of history as the year in which we hoisted high the white (Christmas) flag. I miss the traditional Christmas dinner greatly -- my last one was three long years ago now -- but really, what's the point of going to all that effort when it's just not the same? So this year, we're ditching our preconceived notions of Christmas food and embracing the joys of the Beni cuisine. 

That's right. We're having the mother of all steak barbecues.

And while we can't have most of our blood family here, we can certainly throw a party for our beloved church family (indeed, steak would be as futile as turkey were we a mere trio). So, we're inviting them too. There will be no crackers. No Queen's Speech. No mild racism from a grandparent in the corner. And that's OK. We will be surrounded by 'loved ones', in their own unique way. And best of all, unlike your relatives, they'll probably all be gone with the last sausage, clearing the way for an evening of Die Hard, HRH on-demand, and panettone (a Bolivian festive tradition I've wholeheartedly embraced!).

Anyway, a happy Christmas to everyone. Actually, no. ¡Feliz Navidad!

Prayer

• Christmas Eve sees our church hold its usual annual service with contributions from our children and young people. It is often the only time that their parents will come each year, so please pray that we will be faithful as a church in not wasting that opportunity.
• Craig will be giving a short evangelistic talk at that same service. Pray for boldness and clarity.
• Pray for a special time on Monday with our Trinidad family.

Praise

• Amanda's mother, Selene, arrived on Tuesday afternoon to spend Christmas with us -- and to lend a hand over the school holidays! Give thanks for her safe arrival and for her great help to us already.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 16/12/17

Mother and conjunctivitis-riddled son, washing dishes
together, Wednesday morning. With hindsight, maybe
not the brightest of ideas.

Freak. Demon-eyes. Pinko. Alien spawn. Watermelon woman.

At this time of year, with its great emphasis upon giving and receiving among loved ones, the above is a mere sampling of the good-natured insults that Amanda and I have exchanged. Yep, you've probably already guessed it. This week, we were given the gift of conjunctivitis.

Trinidad has been in the midst of something of an epidemic these past weeks. For most of the last month, a good number of our friends in the community have been struck down by the highly contagious pink fiend; albeit, to varying degrees. By last weekend, we had somehow managed to steer clear of it, and assumed we were home and dry.

That was until Sunday night, when I felt some low-level itching and throbbing in the middle of the night, and struggled to get back to sleep. Sure enough, the mirror confirmed the worst, and Sam was next in the firing line. Still, for us lads, said mirror and Amanda's barbs were the only reminders of our ocular abnormality; the pain and irritation were minimal. Any pink remaining was of a decidedly Financial Times hue.

So we were glad that the worst seemed to have passed, and especially that Amanda had somehow kept out of its path of destruction.

That was until I woke up on Thursday morning next to an extra from a Star Trek episode set on Planet Zug-Zug. Overnight, Amanda's eyes had swollen to the size of small rugby balls (and more league than union, I might add). Not that I could see them, as it took vast quantities of chamomile tea (supposedly the best solution) just to be able to open the eyelids, stuck together with no end of gunge and gloop. Dynamite wouldn't have gone amiss. The eyes themselves were blood-red and highly painful. A few hours later, she was gripped by a fever. 

Sam shows off a little stable decoration he made at the club
this week.

All this, and Sam's tearing around the house like Hurricane Humphrey. Did this have to happen during the school holidays?

Anyway, with a little help from good friends, we were able to subcontract Sam's care, and I was freed up a little to attend to Amanda, whose eyes haven't shaken off that redness, but the pain is significantly reduced and they have reverted to their normal, beautiful, shape.

Working, as we do, in a health institute, meant we were necessarily based at home for the whole week, and that enabled me to work on end-of-year updates for FT sponsors and our own supporters, as well as starting to prepare for next weekend's Christmas Eve service, where I'll be giving a short evangelistic talk.

On that note, Sam's been able to get along to holiday club again this week, where much of the activity is building towards that same Christmas Eve service. And on Monday, he had his little end-of-year show with his class from school, in which he more than held his own in the much sought-after part of Bunny Rabbit #3. 

Sam with one of his teachers, Valeria,
on Monday evening.

Oh, and Amanda's Mum is arriving on Tuesday for an extended visit. I do hope she packs her goggles. 

Prayer

• That Amanda recovers soon from her conjunctivitis.
• For Amanda's mother's (Selene) travels over the next few days.

Praise

• For Sam's largely cooperative behaviour during these difficult days.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 22/07/17

This time last week...a flat tyre, and an ominous start to the fishing trip (we
didn't cash too many fish either!)

Last weekend, just as they were growing in independence, and through no fault of their own, our workload with the team from Strathaven Evangelical Church grew considerably, due to a combination of a) one of their members falling ill and being admitted to a local private clinic; and b) a hastily-arranged fishing trip last Saturday morning! So, with all respect, a weekend blog entry was some way down our list of priorities.

However, the team excelled in its second week here, as it had in its first, and we bid them farewell on Monday morning, mightily impressed by their all-round attitude and maturity.

We have already waxed lyrical about this in more detail in an email sent out to members and attendees of said church. So with the church's kind permission, I'll reproduce, here, our 'closing thoughts'.

Aidan (16) takes charge of the Bible lesson at the five-day club. If you're
good enough, you're old enough!

We are writing this on Tuesday afternoon here, having bid our farewells to the team on Monday morning, and we know that the Kelly family, Mum and Sarah are only now boarding the final flight from London to Edinburgh. What extraordinary lengths they have gone to in order to come out here and build up the body of Christ!

And that is, indeed, the team’s legacy, one that is of great blessing, but also one which we by no means took for granted. During our seven years in Bolivia, we have hosted a whole range of volunteers – including a few non-Christian medical students who have come to add some overseas polish to their CVs. Yet even among the believing volunteers, there is no guarantee of the motivation or spiritual maturity required to bless others; we have often been taken aback at the amount of hand-holding and prodding required on our part.

Not so with this group. From day one, we were seriously impressed by their willingness to help wherever required, their genuine interest in the vast range of individuals with whom they came into contact, and, particularly, their love of our God and his great gospel which shone through every time they taught a Bible lesson, acted out a sketch – or, indeed, unfurled a banner!

The team's lucky providential mascot.

On both occasions that we sat down with the team earlier this year, we reiterated the ‘expect the unexpected’ mantra of developing world life! Having only arrived back in Bolivia ourselves five weeks ago, we, too, were re-learning this lesson. The team coped admirably with any such ‘setbacks’, demonstrating the required flexibility in the second week when illness sidelined Laurence for a few days.

This required a little more input from ourselves just at the point where the ‘SEC Seven’ were developing a little more independence, but of course, the team was never going to be left completely to its own devices, and we were happy to provide this support wherever possible. This is the first such group we have taken charge of, and we, too, will be looking to learn lessons and apply them accordingly, knowing that there is interest from some other churches for team visits in the future.

For now, though, we thank you, as a church, for taking this bold step of faith, and we give thanks to God for the team’s willingness to come down here and give such a godly example to all with whom they came into contact. Such walking, talking patterns of Christian maturity are sorely lacking in this culture, and besides anything else they accomplished – and did so with aplomb! – their mere presence here has had a tremendous impact for the gospel. At the same time, we dearly hope and pray that the fruits of this venture will be evidenced as much in Strathaven as in South America. What a stimulus to further such work it will be for the people of SEC to have these tangible reminders of the Great Commission in action, worshiping and serving among them! May the God of Peter and John, of Priscilla and Aquila, of Paul and Barnabas, spur you on to ever loftier heights of gospel-proclamation to the lost of this world. 

Last team picture, with apologies to Penny. A sur blew in on Monday
morning, bringing the temperatures down to Strathaven level: just in time!

Incredibly, the team's departure on Monday coincided with Sam's first day at nursery, with Grandma on hand to provide an extra pair of tear-ducts! Sam's class takes place from 8am till noon, but as it happens, new children are encouraged to start at an hour or so per day before gradually increasing till they reach the four-hour standard. So we were able to pick him up on the way to the airport with the rest of the team.

Brownie-points to the Cunningham-Kearons for their all-round stiffness of upper-lip at the school 'dropoff'; Amanda's ice-cold demeanour will surely generate a profit warning from Kleenex. As for the airport...well, we tried.

"I've got this."

But, as we anticipated, Sam has gone from strength to strength since Monday. He was asked to stay for two hours on Tuesday, and put in the same shift for the rest of the week, with seemingly no issues. Each day, one of his two teachers has brought him to us at the school entrance and his face has positively beamed! While he's happy to see us in those moments, he's also clearly thriving on the company (he's also been noticeably less demanding with us, too; seems like going and playing with someone your own age really makes a difference after all).

At the same time, it's afforded Mum and Dad the opportunity to get back to the day-job, with Amanda returning to various administrative duties at the Foundation, while I've been hammering out my first sermon proper (after stepping in for poor Laurence with a microwaved effort on Sunday), teaching the Bible Study on Sunday, and seeing to various other church affairs.

You like that?

Finally, amongst all the hubbub of the team's visit, we had the great privilege of hosting a barbecue to mark our tenth anniversary in the late afternoon of Sunday the 9th; with a mere 60 people in attendance, and the mosquitos kicking in at full force around 6pm, we somehow managed to squeeze them all in to our living room as darkness descended! Note to self: make it a lunch next time!

A few words from Craig pre-dinner.

And speaking of la vida carnívora, some friends of ours are hosting a pig-roast for lunch today (as in, a full pig is currently in the process of getting roasted; Paul McCartney, look away now). Best get moving.

Prayer

• There were a few issues for the team on their return journey, with connections being missed, and bags not turning up, including Craig's Mum's, which seems to be lost for the moment. Prayer appreciated.
• Pray for wisdom for both of us in tackling one or two difficult issues in the church and at FT.
• Pray for Sam this week as he begins the full shift at nursery.

Praise

• Give thanks for the visit of the SEC team, and pray for the lasting impact of their time in Bolivia, both here and back in Scotland.
• We're so thankful for how well Sam's first week at school has gone.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 08/07/17

I have a little time to share a quick update; we are busy, but we know people are always keen to get our news, and that will especially be the case this weekend for those from a certain corner of the west of Scotland.

The team from Strathaven Evangelical Church have been here now for a week, and their contribution has been immensely positive. After the usual long journey here, they arrived last Saturday morning, used the weekend to re-charge the batteries, and from Monday onwards got stuck right in.

(Special mention to team members Sarah and, er, ‘Mum’, who, under no obligation whatsoever, came along with us to a wedding on Saturday evening. It began around 10pm, and we didn’t leave till 1am. Bear in mind that British Summer Time is five hours ahead and you can perhaps grasp the scale of that achievement!)

Sunday was a real bonus, in that our church friends had organised two separate events outside of the regular morning service. Kenny & Claudia Holt (back from the old country for a two-week visit) hosted a barbecue at lunchtime, while another couple put on a baby shower in the afternoon, with the invitations extended to that most un-baby shower of species: men. There were ample opportunities, then, for the team to meet – or, in Mum’s case, catch up with – many of our friends and fellow workers here, and it was obviously a great little introduction to the culture here.

Bunch of drama queens (and kings).

The first couple of weeks of July are the mid-year school holidays here, and the team’s main remit this first week has been to participate in the five-day club, organised annually by FT’s sports area. The five-day club meets in a local school, and is a combination of games, praise times, evangelistic Bible lessons and group work. Every day this week, the team performed a five-minute sketch (mimed, of course!) to illustrate the main point of the day’s lesson. The team have come up with these themselves, and they have been really powerful enactments of the gospel message, yet simple enough for young children to grasp.

As is usually the case at these clubs, the group times have included the completion of a worksheet. But this time, the team members also prepared five craft activities, meaning the children could go home every day with a tangible reminder of the day’s theme.

The headline reads: 'Holidays are more fun with Fundación
Totaí'. The caption reads, 'Guitarist Craig Cunningham
demonstrated why so many have dubbed him this
century's Jimmy Page' (that's a fib).

Their contribution, in short, was immense, and was even recognised in the local press! A father of some children in attendance happened to be a scribbler with the Trinidad daily newspaper, and spent some time talking to some of the Bolivian team members on Thursday. Yesterday, just before we left, he turned up with a copy of yesterday’s edition, with a page dedicated to the five-day club and a particular emphasis on the Scottish angle.

The five-day clubs have taken place in the mornings, and the team have used the rest of the days here to read the Bible together, prepare for the next day’s activities, or just hang out with the locals (Mum, it emerges, plays basketball). They will be teaching the main lesson at the church’s children’s ministry this afternoon, and next week will see them branch out into other areas of Foundation and church’s ministry.

We are passionate about welcoming volunteers here, though it can be a lot of work. It is particularly encouraging, then, when a group arrives with their sleeves already rolled up, and a willingness to serve wherever needed. It has been a pleasure to serve with them this week, and our prayer is that the impact of their time here would be felt for many years both here in Bolivia and, we pray, back in sunny Strathaven.

Sam warms up for next week (!) as he explores the surroundings at the
five-day club with friend, Kenny.

Prayer

• As ever, Sam has coped admirably with the unique demands of this week, but has come down with a fever in the last day or two. Pray for a swift recovery.
• Pray for the children in attendance at the five-day club, that the gospel message they heard this week would be received with gladness.
• Pray for the team in their second (and final) week here.

Praise

• Yesterday, incredibly, was our tenth anniversary! God has been faithful.
• And when our twentieth rolls around, God-willing, Mauro and Mily, a young couple from our church, will be celebrating the same milestone. Theirs was the aforementioned wedding last Saturday evening, at which Craig officiated. Very few people actually get married in this culture, so give thanks for the powerful witness of this to their friends and family, and the great encouragement we feel as a church.
• We have also been really blessed by our time with various ex-missionary friends who have been in town for that self-same wedding. Our old friends Maicol & KC, with their son Caleb, are staying with us until mid-August.
• Give thanks for the team, their impact, and their own spiritual growth this week.

The day ends over Laguna Suárez, Tuesday.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda