Saturday Post -- 3/10/15

No time for a literary masterpiece this week, as it's all systems go for the marriage course. Andrew & Ruth's arrival in Trinidad had 'Welcome to Bolivia' written all over it. We were glad on Wednesday morning to hear that they had arrived safely in Santa Cruz, where they would stay a night before travelling on to Trinidad. But we were then advised by a friend that the airport here might be shut for a few days for runway relaying! We got in touch with the airline, who confirmed it would be next week, mercifully. Andrew & Ruth are certainly on a mission to get their hands dirty, but even they might have found the experience of the overnight bus a little too exotic at this stage.

So, there we were on Thursday morning on the viewing balcony of Trinidad, waiting for the flight to arrive any minute now. Well, it at least appeared. Twice within the space of ten minutes, in fact, it approached only to abort the landing due to visibility (i.e., there was a bit of rain). The flight was eventually diverted to Cochabamba, and it wasn't until mid-afternoon that we finally greeted them. Anyway, they are now safely ensconced in the big T and have been a great help so far, whether visiting orphanages, washing dishes, or fixing electric car windows (no kidding). But the real work begins today as we begin to put the finishing touches to the planning for the course.

Edwin (left) leading a workshop.

That's not really been possible till now as I've had to balance something of a double-booking, but in reality, it's been a double blessing. Edwin Fernández of Langham Preaching Bolivia also arrived on Thursday for the first follow-up visit to Trinidad, with a group meal scheduled for Thursday evening, and a joint escuelita (the groups in which we preach to one another, quite literally) on Friday. On Thursday, Edwin shared an exposition with us on the healing of the deaf and mute man in Mark 7, in which he drew out the notion of the man being able to 'speak well' instantly, and how there is a close link in the passage between his hearing and his speaking (you can get where he was going). And once the two sermons for the month were out of the way at Friday's escuelita, he spent some valuable time reinforcing good preaching practice with the group.

But amongst our busyness, I've also been able to spend some time with him, and he has been attentive in dealing with some questions I had about the course in general, and some issues we are having in the church. He's here till Monday morning, and we're very much looking forward to his sermon this Sunday at our church. 

I'm afraid that's it for this week. Amanda needs groceries, Andrew needs a haircut, and I need my breakfast.

Prayer

• The encouragement of the visits this week has been counterbalanced by some very difficult conversations Amanda and I have had to have with the couple mentioned last week (they both work at FT, and she is a church member). This has been hugely draining and yet we're still not sure the penny has dropped for them in terms of the damage they are doing to both the church and FT as institutions, and their own witness. Please pray for the kind of heart change that only the LORD can bring about.
• For the marriage course, which starts this Monday evening at 19:30 (more details in last week's entry).

Praise

• For the blessing it is to have both Andrew & Ruth, and Edwin, among us right now.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 26/09/15

With our old Spanish teacher (and still friend) Farid, who defended his
tourism thesis with aplomb this week. The more observant among you
may note that the room was not air-conditioned.

As we continue to wait for movement in the adoption process, we’re often reminded of the need to trust God that the tough stuff we’re going through will all make sense in the end.

And for a good example of that, we need look no further than March of this year, when we were in the midst of another pretty trying time. One morning, a woman came to Amanda looking for help for her sister and brother-in-law, whose marriage was seemingly in crisis. Amanda was keen to help, but aware of her limitations in this area, having had no training whatsoever in marriage counselling, and particularly uncertain as to how to approach this with non-Christians. The woman was unperturbed: “No problem, just pretend you’re qualified,” she responded! In the end the couple decided to go elsewhere, yet the episode served to drive home our inability – as a couple, as a foundation, and as a church – to meet such needs.

Later that same week, Amanda had a conversation with a friend whose niece was looking to get married, and yet had received no help from her pastor at this time, despite actively seeking out opportunities for marriage preparation. It was clear that Christians here were indeed hungry for such input, yet hadn’t the faintest idea where to find it.

All the while, Amanda and I were some weeks into housing a friend of ours whose marriage was in a dire state, having crossed the line one time too many. And so, time and again, we were reminded that week of the great needs in the marriages in our community, yet a lack of resources, training and time to be able to address these.

The following Sunday, in keeping with tradition, we touched base with the folks back home, who were completely unaware of the week's goings-on. As it happened, Dad had just got off the phone with a couple from Hertfordshire, Andrew & Ruth Richards (Ruth is a cousin of my Mum). Dad explained that as their careers were beginning to wind down, Andrew & Ruth were looking to increasingly devote their time to missions and to supporting missionary work worldwide. To that end, they had made some enquiries, and the work at Fundación Totaí had surfaced. Hence the contact with my parents. 

But Andrew and Ruth, an engineer and schools inspector respectively, were particularly keen not to simply observe, but to go where they felt they could play an active role, albeit for a limited period. "Well, what do they feel they have to offer?" we asked, and Dad proceeded to share the Richards' own ideas. Many and varied though their talents were, we were struggling to see where we could use them in this particular ministry in such a way that they wouldn't go home feeling they'd simply had a relaxing break in a hot climate.  

At which point, Dad mentioned one final possibility, almost as an aside: "They've also run a marriage course in the past." 

Why, of all the gin joints! 

In due course, we made contact with Andrew & Ruth and began to discuss how such a course might work here. From an early stage, we were impressed by their attention to detail, their desire to serve and, particularly, their awareness of the need for flexibility in a very different relationship culture to the UK. So we were delighted when, a couple of months down the road, having considered a range of other 'offers', they went with Trinidad, Bolivia.  

And so to the somewhat less tropical Stonehouse, Scotland, where at a nearby hotel in July, the four of us sat down one afternoon to plan the course in greater detail. The Alpha marriage course is a great tool (we are graduates of their marriage preparation course), though a little Bible-lite. We were encouraged to hear of Andrew & Ruth’s plans to establish greater Scriptural foundations. This naturally led us to discuss the makeup of the group, with several non-Christian couples likely to be in attendance; again, the course would be tweaked where appropriate to ensure the gospel is preached. A particular cultural quirk here is that most co-habiting non-Christian couples are not, in fact, married, and so the importance of the marriage commitment would also be highlighted; there would almost certainly be couples in attendance who had not yet, in fact, made this commitment.

A big chunk, then, of our time since returning in late July has been spent in preparing for the course. Amanda has been particularly busy along with several other women from the church in preparing the décor. This is important as the course (which will take place on weeknights over one week) is set up like a ‘date night’. Though we expect a large group to attend, the interactive part of the course is not done by the group as a whole, but by the couples themselves, each of whom will discuss these important topics at their very own, candle-lit table, complete with a take-home centrepiece. So the aesthetics play a big part. 

As I made clear earlier, this is a relatively new venture for this part of the world. And yet, despite that (or, more probably, because of it), the response has been tremendous, with us having to up the numbers slightly to accommodate a few extra couples. We are very excited to have Andrew & Ruth come and lead this, and we’re particularly conscious of the need for this to be a platform to build on, rather than a one-off event; we have a couple in mind in the church to be the people to take this forward, and we’re hoping that Andrew & Ruth will be able to get alongside them at various points during their two-week stay here.

While I was writing this very entry, I’m sad to say that we learned of a morally compromised situation between two Christians we work alongside. These things just do not go away in this culture. We pray that the marriage course will play a small part in establishing God’s declared will for loving relationships here in this small corner of Bolivia.

"Chau"/"Bye"/"Sniffle"/"So long" (L-R). A quick snap before Maicol & KC
boarded the first of many, many vehicles.

Prayer

• For safe travels for Andrew & Ruth, who set off from Heathrow on Tuesday and eventually get to Trinidad on Thursday (the course begins next Monday, the 5th of October).
• People who came to hear our report in churches last year may remember Yoselín, a girl Amanda has worked with extensively over the years. She comes from a very challenging family background and now, in her early teenage years, her behaviour is being affected by such factors. Please pray for patience for Amanda as she continues to mentor Yoselín in the ways of God.
• Last night, our dear friends Maicol, KC and Caleb left Trinidad to begin their journey to the USA, where they will now be settling as a family. We give thanks for the way that God has so clearly paved the way for them to be able to return to Seattle over the past months, and for their great friendship to us and many others here. We will miss them greatly. Pray for the LORD’s continued guidance to them.
• Oh, and that means we are now the last missionaries standing here at Fundación Totaí/El Jireh Church (just to contextualise that, there were five full-time missionary couples when we arrived here in January 2010). That is both encouraging (the work does not depend on foreigners to move forward) and somewhat daunting! Please pray for wisdom as we seek to give a godly example in all that we do, and for others to come alongside us and encourage us, so that we can better serve others.
• There's been a last-minute cancellation for the youth service tomorrow night, and as a result, Craig somehow has to come up with a talk, er, today! Prayer appreciated.

Praise

• Craig had a really encouraging visit with Carlos & Carla earlier this week, who are holding up remarkably well despite the loss of their motorcycle, and who, in true Macedonian style, have even found opportunities to bless others this week. We’re delighted to see this.
• For a much-needed rest for adoption-related issues this week (our lawyer has been out of town). We know we need to push on with this again when she gets back, but we have really benefitted, spiritually, emotionally and psychologically, from this break in play.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post - 19/09/2015

I (Amanda) would like to thank so many people for all the prayers, messages and support we've received over the last three weeks. Every single one has been an encouragement and has given me just one more wonderful thing to thank God for. Because that is what has continually come back to me over and over again through out the last three weeks...praise in all things. And I will be honest, I have not been very good at it. So, thank you everyone for everything that you've given us during this really difficult time; you make it just that much easier to see past the difficulties and praise God. 

Elías, the Pastor of our church here, started his sermon last Sunday with, "When was the last time you thanked God for what you have...and for what you don't have?". Probably never. I have sat down and written lists of all the things I have in my life to be thankful for, but I have never thanked God for things I don't have... the things I want, but that He hasn't given me yet, or maybe won't ever give me. I have never thanked Him for not giving us a child in the last five years. Part of me knows I should, because God is good and He has the best for me; God knows what is best for me. The other part of me is tied up in so much frustration and impatience that I can't help screwing up my face like a child and internally screaming, "It's not fair!" Of course it's not fair... when has it ever been fair? And that is, and has always been, my biggest struggle in my Christian faith. I don't struggle with the existence of God, I don't struggle with the concept of sin or my need of a Saviour, I don't struggle with sovereignty of God; I struggle with His goodness. This is probably tied into the inability I have sometimes to truly dwell in God's love me for, as I shared about a month ago (That was a month ago?!?!). I accept God's goodness, because the Bible tells me that He is good. I believe in the Bible as ultimate truth. Therefore, God is good... but most of the time instead of being calm and thinking, "It's okay that everything is ridiculously difficult right now... because God is good and He is in control," I think, "This doesn't feel overly good to me right now, God...". But despite my stubbornness and childlike tendencies, God has continued to be faithful and has been reminding me over and over again of the importance of thanksgiving. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I don't know why this surprises me... but this does actually work. The more I actively try to thank God, the easier it is to trust in His goodness. It works because thanking God reminds me of all the ways in which He has been good. The pain and the difficulties we are going through, though valid in and of themselves, hide the ways God is trying to help us through these difficulties. So, I need to make a conscious effort to look for those ways, because I can trust that they are there... because God is good. I have not become proficient at this over the last three weeks, I am actually quite poor at it, but I am trying and it is helping. 

I am so thankful for God's divine providence in having my Mom here with us while we've been going through this adoption rollercoaster. When life got crazy and absolutely everything had to be put second to this process, my Mom was here to make lunches, clean up after lunches, make baby bottles,  accompany us on visits and cry with us. She booked her flights all the way back in April... so yay, God is good.

I thank God for every moment we spent with the wee one, because he was worth it. He gave us a glimpse as to what Craig and I would be like as parents, and it was so much fun. I absolutely loved doing it with Craig, who is going to be an awesome father, if God blesses us with parenthood. It was a privilege to spend every second with him. 

I thank God for my friends here in Bolivia who remind me that my life is so full. Yes, there is sadness and pain in one aspect of my life, but my life is bigger than that. My Mom made a lovely Chinese meal for the women's Bible study group last Sunday night, which they loved...and we played games afterward and I was reminded that my life is full. And last night I had some friends over and we played Settler's of Catan and Bohnanza. It wasn't because I felt I had to minister to them, but it was because I needed to gain strength from their friendship. And it was a lot of fun...and I didn't even win either game. 

And I am so thankful that God has shown me that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was...remember my post from last month? I commented on how I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self worth. Well, throughout all of this God revealed to me that I was more capable than I thought I was...that I could keep taking one foot and putting in front of the other when I desperately wanted to run away; that I could do the right thing when it was the hard thing. And I am so thankful that I can look in the mirror these days and be proud of myself. That has been a gift.

Please keep praying for us. We are now continuing on with our routine as before, but are trying to balance the expectations that come with the unending waiting set before us with all our responsibilities. Please keep praying that we would actively seek to be thankful when we feel overwhelmed. And thank you for the encouragement. We are truly grateful for it. 

Prayer

• For God's sustaining grace to us at this time.
• For all the preparations for the coming Marriage Course.
• For all the preparations for our upcoming Youth Camp.

Praise

• For time with friends last night...I had a fun girls' night and Craig had a guys' night. 
• For Mom's safe arrival back in Canada and for all the time she had with us here. 
• For the two days of rest and distance that we had in Santa Cruz as we saw Mom off on her way home.

¡Que Dios les Bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 12/09/15

Early yesterday evening, we received word that the adoption we have been pursuing was now all but dead in the water. Due to the circumstances of the birth-family, a small chance remains of this working out in our favour, but this would not be for another few months.

Twelve hours later, we are naturally still pretty raw. In theory, either outcome would have represented something of a miracle, especially given the circumstances around the initial abandonment, and yet two weeks ago, in so many respects, the thumbprints of providence had seemed so evident to us. Time will doubtless reveal the true significance of what has just happened, but right now, we are struggling to make sense of it all.

Above all, the process has been a salient lesson to us on the land-mines that are laced along the road to adoption in this cultural context. Back in the UK and Canada last year, we were reminded of the treacle-like pace of such processes in the west, and were comforted that at least we wouldn't face such long waits once we got the ball rolling here. But, of course, there are good reasons for such safeguards, one of which is that they serve to protect prospective adopters and adoptees from the emotional strife we have recently undergone in having such great exposure to the case in question. Bloodied but unbowed, we now have to either proceed with greater caution in future, or develop a thicker skin; this may simply have been the opening salvo. Those are questions we hope to resolve over the next few days and weeks.

*        *        *

And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own,  they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people.

Those words of Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians have rung so true in our community this week. On Tuesday, our friends Carlos & Carla, with their young son Kenny, took a trip to the zoo in the afternoon to mark Carlos's birthday (you get half-days off work here for your birthday, believe it or not). After an enjoyable hour or two, they returned to the entrance to discover their motorcycle had been stolen. Motorcycles are the traditional family vehicle here, but the loss was doubly traumatic as Carlos works as a taxi driver to supplement his main income (Carla stays at home to raise Kenny). They ended up taking the long walk home knowing that their very wellbeing was now on the line. 

(To their credit, they kept a commitment with us that evening to come round for Chinese food -- prepared by Selene -- to mark Carlos's birthday. Given that things had taken a significant turn for the worse with the adoption, we all had ourselves something of a pity-party!)

But their loss only served to galvanise our church community here. Within 24 hours, Carlos & Carla had received several generous gifts from individuals and from the church's own funds. They kept another commitment on Thursday evening -- to host the church's prayer meeting -- and it was there that the men of the church came together to discuss a plan to get enough money together to carry out the expensive repairs required on a motorcycle belonging to one of our cohort, and then give said vehicle to Carlos & Carla.

Over the last six years, Amanda and I have regularly documented our work in seeking to bring the church here to greater 'maturity'. This essentially has become shorthand for, say, increased Bible knowledge or deeper devotional lives, and these things are just fine. But when it comes to generosity -- and particularly coming together to support needy brothers and sisters -- I would suggest that their maturity levels far exceed ours in the west. Their means are meagre, their margins are tight, yet their response in times of crisis is one of 'rich generosity'; some in our own cultures might even call it 'recklessness'. 

It's probably been my biggest lesson as a leader, too. It is all too easy to begin to regard oneself as the sensible westerner (dare I say, Scot?) whose good sense is a necessary balancing weight against occasional Latin American impulsiveness. And such an attitude, in the past, has brought me grief in leaders' meetings, where my colleagues have sought to meet great congregational needs when the church itself is barely making ends meet. "Well, Craig, so what," has essentially been the LORD's response as I have seen us reach deep into our pockets for one cause after another, yet somehow always have more than enough to keep going.

In a sermon I heard on the above text some years ago (and stop me if you've heard this one before), the preacher referred to statistical evidence showing that, in the USA, Mississippi was at one and the same time the poorest state per capita, and the biggest giver to charity per capita. That's very Bolivian. Indeed, that's very Macedonian.

We have learnt so much from, and grown so close to, this little church community (NB: they run rings round us westerners in that respect too), that it was nothing short of a privilege to host them and other friends last Sunday to mark Amanda's birthday. The steak was devoured, the trampoline was well-worn, and most people stayed long after the food (which isn't always the case here!). We must do it again some time. To close, here are some pictures.

Prayer

• Pray for us as we seek to get over the disappointment of the last day or so, and for the courage to forge ahead with an adoption in the future. If nothing else, these last weeks have confirmed that we have bountiful supplies of love to share with a wee one.
• Pray for Craig as he touches on issues of faith and unbelief with the youth group tonight, who are reading their way through The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe.
• Pray for safe travels for Amanda's mother, Selene, who leaves Bolivia on Thursday afternoon.
• Looking further ahead, we have a busy couple of months looming, with two big events looming large: a marriage course in early October (more details soon) and the annual youth camp in early November. Amanda in particular has a lot of preparation to put in for both of these; pray for a healthy work-life balance, and for peace when it's simply not possible to spin all the plates at once.

Praise

• For the LORD's grace to our church in allowing us to consistently and joyfully meet each other's needs.
• For a happy day last Sunday.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 05/09/15

In Bolivia, vegetarianism is a mere rumour.

First of all, we had been hoping that by this point we might have something more substantial to say with regard to the adoption process. Things, however, haven’t moved quite as quickly as we had hoped, and so, for now, we’ll ask that you continue to uphold that whole situation in your prayers.

One upshot of what happened last week is that the judge deciding the case in question has recommended that we visit the prospective adoptee as often possible, in order to demonstrate our suitability and our caring intent. This we have done over this past week, though inevitably, we have only grown closer, which would make any decision that goes against us even tougher to stomach.

In addition, then, to the points outlined last week, please pray for emotional protection for us both right now. This is really as much as we can say right now on such a public forum, but we are happy to respond in more detail to any emails or private messages.

Many happy returns to this purdy lady.

While dealing with all of the above, we’ve had plenty of other things to distract us, not least the arrival of Amanda’s mother, Selene, at Thursday lunchtime. Her flight was booked some time ago, but we are naturally delighted to benefit from her practical and emotional support at a time when we really need it. And not just because of adoption issues! Amanda bid farewell to her twenties on Friday, and to celebrate, we’re hosting the mother of all parties at the house on Sunday afternoon, replete with a rented trampoline, 25kg of prime steak (note to supporters: it’s really cheap here!) and about 60 friends from work, church and elsewhere. We’ve never hosted an event on such a scale, but we’re delighted to be able to open the house up to so many dear friends.

Meanwhile, last Sunday, we hosted a more intimate social gathering, inviting our good friends Maicol & KC round for the evening. 15 years since KC first arrived in Trinidad on a missions team, they and their son Caleb are due to leave Bolivia for the USA at the end of this month, and we are going to miss them all greatly. What with Selene’s visit over the next two weeks, and the inevitable chaos involved in packing-up-one’s-life-for-good, we knew that we had to act sooner rather than later to get any face time with them pre-departure. Three hours disappeared as we looked back on our time together here over the last six years, and how God has been so faithful to us all. We certainly hope to see more of them before they go, but if last Sunday were to prove our last meaningful time with them in Bolivia, we wouldn’t have much to complain about.

Nor do we at church, where we continue to be encouraged by what we are seeing. The Dig Deeper Bible study seems to be only growing in popularity, with most of the books we ordered for the church now having disappeared. Thursday evening saw us consider the importance of parallelisms; if it all sounds a bit technical, I can assure you that our study of the parallelism in Hebrews 1:1-2 was immensely emboldening and affirming to us as a church in this ‘Jesus-plus’ evangelical culture.

It was also of great encouragement to us to see FT president and church elder Miguel-Ángel take to the platform on Sunday to deliver his first ever sermon (you may remember that Miguel-Ángel had been among the main beneficiaries of the Langham conference back in June). This will prove a huge help to me and our pastor, Elías, and we pray that the church would be challenged to see another of its members expound God’s word.

So much to be praying and giving thanks for this week, and again, we ask you to uphold the adoption situation before the Lord in particular (see last week’s post for more specific prayer points). In addition…

Prayer

• For Maicol & KC as they prepare to leave Trinidad in just over three weeks’ time.
• For the various individuals with whom we usually meet for discipleship each week. Our current challenging circumstances have caused this to largely be put on the back-burner at the moment. Please pray that this would be a time in which those individuals can experience growth in their faith, and that we, in particular, would depend on God for this rather than developing a messiah complex!
• Craig and the elders again had to address a challenging pastoral situation involving church members this week. Pray for continued wisdom here and for a softening of hard hearts.
• For a great time tomorrow afternoon with friends and family.

 Praise

• Speaking of Langham, Craig’s small-group met last Sunday afternoon, and the momentum from June’s conference has largely been maintained, with both small-groups continuing to meet once every month. Give thanks for this.
• Give thanks, too, for the young women’s Bible study, who met once again in our home last Sunday, and who continue to experience a deepening of fellowship.
• Finally, give thanks for the Lord’s great faithfulness in Amanda’s life over her three decades to date.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 29/8/15

Today’s post is short and necessarily non-specific, as the curtain comes down on a week in which we were churned head-first through the emotional wringer.

In a nutshell, we came very close to a major adoption-related breakthrough, only to see the prize snatched from our flailing grasp at the last hurdle, owing to a combination of legal hang-ups and a communications failure between the relevant parties at state level. We had been led to believe that everything would be straightforward, making the final blow that little bit crueller.

Those who have followed our ‘progress’ over the years with regard to, say, residency or building a house will perhaps not be all that surprised; and, with hindsight, nor are we. But the emotional investment this time makes this a particularly hard one to take.

However – and this is a big ‘however’ – there is a decent chance that what has happened will prove to be a postponement, rather than a cancellation; we probably can’t say any more than that, but we are still very much in this game.

We would therefore greatly appreciate if you could pray for us over the coming days:

• For patience.
• For emotional protection.
• For our witness around others as we engage in these dealings.
• For the child God wants for us to surface soon.

We wait in hope for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. (Psalm 33:20)

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 22/08/2015

Ministry provides frequent opportunities for self-reflection, and I (Amanda) have found myself doing a lot of reflecting this week; so much so that I even thought, I wonder if I could get a blog entry out of all these reflections?!?! Craig then asks me last night if I wanted to switch (grocery shopping for blog writing) and I thought it must be fate... otherwise known as divine intervention. 

I've thought a lot about who I am this week, or maybe even for the last couple of months, and I've come to the conclusion that my personality is quite complex, and that I've inadvertently overcomplicated my life because of that. I am generally a perfectionist, yet at the exact some time I'm a procrastinator and can be quite lazy. This was not a problem for me when I was a kid or in high school, because things generally came easily to me. I could leave things to the last minute and still ace a test or a project. University was a bit harder, which led to learning to cope with intense amounts of stress for the first time in my life. And then life got even harder, because I got married... and then I got a job; from this point I was generally coping. But then ministry came along, and if anything ever held a mirror up to me and said, "take a good look at who you really are", ministry has done that for me. Suddenly I can't get by with procrastinating, yet after 30 years I'm not entirely sure how to live otherwise. Suddenly, laziness doesn't fly, but I don't know how to move faster. I am doing so much more, and my perfectionist nature demands I do everyone perfectly, but doing so much more than I am used to means things are not getting done perfectly. I have discovered that my own personality has set me up for a giant failure; I generally feel underprepared, extremely exhausted and disappointed in my own results. My personal struggles with inadequacy overwhelm me sometimes. 

On top of that, I don't know what I want, or should want. We are on the edge of adopting a child and I have bounced between highly excited and absolutely terrified this week. I am not scared of being a mother necessarily, but I am daunted by the change that is coming. Craig and I have been just the two of us for so long, what do we look like with a child? I have worked in a job for my entire adult life, and probably unhealthily defined myself by what I am doing, as opposed to who I am. If I am not working like I am now, who will I be? Will I recognise myself? These questions paralyse me sometimes. Craig and I were both raised by wonderful women who stayed at home for the formative years of our lives, and we both believe in the importance of a constant parental presence. But I love what I do. I am good at what I do. I believe God has led me to do what I am currently doing. I want to keep working, at least a bit, when we have a child. And yet, should I? I completely love and respect so many full-time mothers...I really do. However, I read blogs and articles, and to be honest, I sometimes feel even more inadequate (see inadequacy issues above) because I feel I should want to be like them, and part of me does, but part of me doesn't. I feel torn most of the time. Sometimes I wonder if we should just keep going the way we are now and not risk the change of adoption, but then I realise that that is my fear talking. We both feel very strongly about the importance of adoption in our personal lives, and in the lives of all Christians. We believe God is calling us to this. So where does this leave me? A big, flustered mess most of the time. 

I'm not entirely sure how I got to this point, but somewhere along the way life has overwhelmed me. I feel like I am always chasing my tail and trying to hide how completely inept I feel all the time. And I am even more frustrated because I know I don't need to feel this way. There is freedom from my inadequacy in Christ. All this week the theme of rest has come back to me over and over again; and not the, 'I need to sleep more' kind, although that would be nice too. The theme of rest in Christ has rung clearly in my ears. I have finally started Vaughan Roberts' 'God's Big Picture' and in chapter one he talks about how we were created to rest in God. God rested on the seventh day and that was supposed to be how things continued from that point. I read aholyexperience.com blog entries from time to time and there was a recent post about resting in God and living in the moment. There have been blog posts on counting our blessings and developing an attitude of peace through gratitude. And I have started a nine day devotional on 'Finding a Work Life Balance', because I know I don't have one, and day one was about how the concept of a work/life balance is not actually biblical. Work, rest, play, sleeping and eating = life. What we see in the life of Jesus are rhythms of work, rest and celebration and all these things add up to life. 

I see the lesson God is trying to teach me, but my frustrating personality keeps getting in the way. Because every time I try to change something it becomes another thing on the to-do list to try and achieve by myself. Resting becomes something to tick off my list once done, not an attitude to apply to my whole life. And to be completely honest, I am not quite sure how to go about changing that quite yet. I am not there. To be fair, due to my extensive self-reflection I can say with confidence that I have identified the problems (1. incorrect perception of the role of rest in my life, 2. unhealthy fixation on my inadequacies), but I don't know how to fix it. How do I rest more without becoming lazy and still be as productive as I need to be? How do I love myself more? How do I live in the light of God's love for me when I can't comprehend truly that He loves me? I know God loves me, but I don't think I let it truly affect how I live. 

These have been my swirling thoughts and struggles this week in the midst of HR work, volunteers leaving (Bye Brittany, Hayley and Juliana), correspondence, youth group meetings, Bible studies, discipleship and good old housework...and when the car wouldn't start and then miraculously did again. Craig has been a solid rock this week as he's helped me cope with, let's be honest, slightly hormonal ravings and some tears. But life keeps going regardless of one's inward struggles and we have both seen many blessings this week and are grateful to God for the all the ways He upholds us. 

Prayer

• Wisdom for Craig in his role as a leader of our church. This coming Wednesday is the next leader's meeting and they will be dealing with some logistical as well as personal issues in our church.
• Hayley, Brittany and Juliana as they settle back into University life in Seattle. 
• Patience as we wait on God's timing for a child.
• Peace in Amanda's life as she works through a lot of the above struggles.
• Craig as he preaches tomorrow on 1 Kings 8:54 - 9:9.

Praise

• For the time we spent getting to now the three volunteers from the States. We are grateful for their friendship and efforts they showed here while working with us.
• For the encouragement that the Dig Deeper study has been in the church.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig and Amanda

Saturday Post -- 15/08/15

Amanda in mid-potato-peel last night, getting ready for the big food-sale
fundraiser for the church's AWANA children's group this lunchtime.

As iron sharpens iron,

    so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

Looking back over the last seven days, iron-sharpening has certainly been the order of the week for me (Craig), both in my formal and informal ministry.

Having not managed to meet up with any of my discipleship charges the first couple of weeks back (in the first week Amanda and I were finding our feet again; in the second the independence day holiday and its attendant festivities got in the way), it was a joy to start where I'd left off with all four guys: Diego (19), Daniel (16), Yonatán (18) and Daniel (26). You may remember that the younger Daniel and Yonatán are serving in the youth group this year, Diego is Daniel's older brother and the erstwhile piano-player in the church music group, and the elder Daniel hails from Cuba, and is married to FT doctor Romina. All four guys face a varied set of challenges in their day-to-day lives, so it's important that they get a wider perspective on things once a week. To do that, I've been working through Vaughan Roberts' God's Big Picture with all four, a book that certainly raises the affections to things of God.

These days, I have a couple of bonus one-on-one appointments in my working week owing to the presence of volunteers Tom and Josh. Now about halfway into their two-month stint here, the brothers have demonstrated real maturity in their servant-like attitudes and the time they are taking while here to go deeper into God's word. Though usually (indeed, inevitably!) younger than ourselves, it's amazing how often God uses visiting volunteers to challenge our own way of doing things, and that's certainly been the case with the brothers Pike.

Last night (Friday), I made an appearance at the church men's group, and at the previous meeting, one of the guys had randomly asked when we could get together to watch The Godfather (a picture for which, if you've known me for five minutes, you'll be aware I have abiding affection). So an impromptu screening was arranged at our house mid-week, and I looked on with no shortage of envy as five blokes were acquainted for the first time with equine heads, taking the cannoli, and another invaluable contribution to the infant baptism debate. 

Just as pleasing -- and almost certainly more edifying -- was my FaceTime session the following evening with Alex Wann, our old friend from Wyoming who was here a couple of years ago with Samaritan's Purse, and is now based out in La Paz. In the end, our time in Trinidad overlapped by only four months, but he arrived at a point where I was seriously lacking male fellowship. He and I have kept in regular contact since, including those occasional -- but really valuable -- audio sessions. Alex is due to be in Bolivia for at least another year, and we'd love to get out and see him before he moves on.

Quite a catch.

And as if things couldn't have got any more testosterone-fuelled...I even managed to sneak in a few hours' fishing on my birthday (Monday) with my younger friends from Cochabamba, who are visiting for the university break. Being my birthday, Amanda even made an appearance. A good job, too; that was about the last time I saw her this week. And I suppose things will be necessarily equalised this week. I'm guessing next week's movie night will be more along the lines of Pride & Prejudice (the BBC one, naturally). Brood, Colin. Brood.

Prayer

• A potential adoption lead fell through this week. We continue to hear rumours and counter-rumours. Pray for patience, and for readiness when the moment comes.
• Amanda has had a fairly testing week in her HR role at the Foundation. Pray for abundant supplies of grace there.
• We had the opportunity to touch base with Andrew and Ruth Richards (UK), who will be joining us in October to run a marriage course (watch this space). Please pray for us as we prepare for that important week from both sides of the Atlantic.
• For increased maturity and love for the Lord for the various men with whom Craig is working -- and, indeed, for Craig himself!
• Craig is preaching again on 1 Kings 8:22-53 tomorrow morning...
• ...and Amanda is taking the youth meeting tonight, where they've recently begun a new series working through The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (a relatively unknown text here).
• The American trio of volunteers leave Trinidad on Monday evening; pray for safe travels back to Seattle.

Praise

• For many opportunities for mutual encouragement this week, for both of us.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 8/8/15

No, not our canoe, but they were just lying around for the use of whoever
needed them. See 'Simplicity', below.

I can still remember the first time like it was yesterday. And boy, did I not enjoy it.

It was the very last morning of my first stint in Trinidad 15 years ago. My roommate and I had been asked a few days earlier if we there were any final items we’d hoped to tick off our checklist before heading home. Strangely, despite having lived in the Beni for almost a year, we had not yet been fishing, something of an aberration given the quality and quantity of the rivers which criss-cross the region.

Despite being July (the peak of the so-called ‘dry season’), we woke up that morning to the heaviest of downpours, which was not to abate (so much so that the afternoon saw another better-late-than-never moment, as I paid my first visit to a local dry-cleaners’ in a last-ditch attempt to get my sodden clothes in a suitable state for travel). For reasons I cannot now remember, our Bolivian companions reckoned our best chance of success was to be had by standing waist-deep in the river at which we eventually settled. Seemingly, piranhas don’t care one jot for limbs – it’s your digits they’re really after. Which explained the impassioned shrieks of “¡No! ¡No!” when I absentmindedly sought to recover some bait I’d dropped in the water.

Wet and miserable, we made it back to Trinidad, and I doubt we snared more than ten of the blighters between us (well, it sounds better than confessing that I personally caught none!). The smaller-than-expected breakfast was enjoyable enough, but by that point, I’d have been happy to leave any future fishing expeditions to the experts.

In fact, my piranha-yanking days had only just begun. For I was to return to live in Trinidad many years later, wife in tow, only to discover that most of the people we were getting friendly with were ardent fisher-folk. Indeed, indulging in the pastime is something of an inevitability here, given the general lack of recreational activities, and the aforementioned range of local rivers; quite frankly, I’m now somewhat staggered that I somehow went the whole of that first year without a fishing trip.

Nowadays, fishing is one of those things for me like washing my golf clubs or reading a copy of The Economist on a long-haul flight: I don’t tend to experience it all that much, but when I do, I seriously wonder why I don’t do it more.

Thursday's well-chosen spot.

Well, Thursday’s Bolivian independence day taking place in early August (i.e., with things still relatively arid and, in turn, the rivers at their most accessible), there was only one way I and a bunch of friends were going to spend our day off, in which the reminders of the joys of this very Beniano of pursuits came thick and fast.

The Economics

Permits? Schmermits! The local waterways give totally unrestricted access to whoever gets there first. Hook, line and sinkers can be acquired for under a tenner (rods are an unnecessary extravagance). And the bait comes – only, ever and always – in the form of beef, as plentiful in this corner of the world as the rain is in mine. 80p got me a more-than-sufficient quarter-kilo.

The Drive

With no need to go too far to find good casting here, even your fuel costs are relatively meagre. That said, there’s no harm in going that extra distance, as we did as the sun rose on Thursday. And to do so at that particular time of day – the best for fishing – is to buy a ticket to the nature show. And as there’s so little variety in the local foliage (it’s essentially a case of identifying the various shades of green), the golden hours are particularly vital for getting a different angle on plant-life here.

Not only that, but in the relatively shady conditions of those early daylight hours, the wildlife round these parts is usually making the most of things – even by the side of the road. And so, as well as the usual range of exotic birds, the capybaras and alligators out on their morning rounds became so ubiquitous that we eventually stopped pointing them out.

The Camaraderie/Tranquillity

The shared pursuit of that day’s lunch has a knack of bringing one’s companions together. Good-natured banter thus abounds by the shoreline. That said, with each member of the party necessarily making plenty of space for their neighbour, and minds concentrated on the task ahead, occasional solitude-seekers such as myself needn’t look far for occasional bouts of alone-time. It is at such moments, again, that nature takes centre stage (well, the audio version at least).

Happily, our old friend David McColl (right) was paying a flying visit
to Trinidad, before he finally leaves Bolivia next Friday.

The Glorious Simplicity Of It All!

Swing. Hurl. Plop. Bite. Yank for one’s life. OK, it doesn’t always work out that way, but if you manage to tap into a particularly rich vein round these parts, as we did on Thursday, then the blame for any failure to pull in a haul for the ages lies squarely at the feet of the angler in question (needless to say, I finished bottom of the rankings having barely made double-figures – the horror!).

Lunch

They say that, as a race, the greater the disconnect between our work and its tangible rewards has grown, the less contented we have become. I don’t know about that, but there can be few things more satisfying than shrieking, “Honey, I’m home!”, dumping the fruit of one’s labour (dare I call it that?) on the table, and savouring the day’s big meal. (As it happens, Amanda leaves the cooking to the community’s piscatorial cooking experts – typically, the morning’s participants will sample the catch as a group – but the results remain well worth the wait!)

Alan in mid-gut.

And the piranhas themselves? Keep your hands in your pockets and you’ll be just fine.

Prayer

• After a few days of readjustment to Trinidad, things are moving again on the prospective adoption. Now that we are registered, we are free to investigate any potential leads that might come up – and have been doing so already. Pray for wisdom and guidance from the LORD.
• Keep Craig in your prayers as he continues to preach this month – tomorrow it’s 1 Kings 8:1-21.
• Amanda and I have been involved in the volunteer programme this year, and Americans Haley, Brittany and Juliana, who arrived for a two-month stint in June, are coming into their last week here. Pray for a meaningful final few days.

 Praise

• For the rest afforded by Thursday’s day off.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda

Saturday Post -- 01/08/15

Amanda with the other youth group leaders last Saturday night.

July, she will fly.

I shan't go into too much detail here with regard to our all-too-fleeting return to Scotland, our Facebook pages certainly providing more than enough photographic documentation. Suffice it to say, Willows were Stripped, putts were missed, and just as one sister flew the nest, another was flying into Glasgow Airport. In the week preceding the wedding, we managed to squeeze in 13 separate catch-ups over six days. Before touchdown in Scotland, we had been very much aware of our limited time; by the time we collapsed into bed on wedding's eve, we were all too aware of our limitations in general. We probably overstretched ourselves, but each meeting proved well worth it.

Writing from a dependably hot and sticky Trinidad, the whole trip already feels somewhat surreal and distant. The final goodbyes at the airport are naturally times of great sadness; this time was relatively Kleenex-free, as there was a tangible acceptance by all concerned that it was high time to return to normality. Our sojourn having been so brief, we felt none of the nerves that gripped us at the end of our 13-month sabbatical in January, just thankfulness for the opportunity to have spent any time at home at all.

Since arriving in Trinidad on Saturday, we have endeavoured to ease our way back into things ever so gradually, but only to the extent possible with a full complement of volunteers. About a week before our own return to Bolivia, Swindon's Tom and Josh Pike arrived in town, with the American trio only halfway through their own stint at that point (they leave in mid-August). Amanda has been sharing responsibility with KC for this summer's volunteer programme, and so with KC's enforced family trip to Cochabamba this week (this post is increasingly resembling an arrivals/departures board), we picked up the volunteer slack as a couple; only fair, I suppose, given KC was essentially flying solo for three weeks. That essentially meant ensuring they had enough food supplies, having them round to the house, and dealing with requests for British chocolate on a case-by-case basis.

Tom and Josh are on the right, for the avoidance of doubt.

Most importantly, we were tasked with meeting with the volunteers individually, which Amanda will continue to do with one of the girls, and I shall, of course, be touching base with Tom and Josh during the remainder of their time here. My initial meetings were certainly encouraging, as the brothers each shared their testimonies (which I reciprocated), and I was reassured to discover rock-solid faith in ones so young.

My very first encounter with the Pikes (they used to get a lot of "Don't tell him" references at school -- see below, non-Brits) took place at the youth group's second annual friendship gala, taking place to mark International Day of Friendship (which, like most Hallmark holidays, is a surprisingly big deal here). The evening essentially resembled the usual youth group meeting, except it was a dress-up affair, food was served, it was double the length, and we had about double the attendance! Despite being a tad bleary-eyed from our journey (we'd only just arrived that morning), we had a great time, and we're hoping that a lot of the 'strays' who came back will still be around in the coming Saturdays.

That aside, it was a reassuringly normal working week, with Amanda catching up on HR tasks, and I getting warmed up for a month in which I have responsibility both for preaching in the church and the morning devotions at FT. 

It's as if we never left.

Prayer

• For Craig as he preaches and teaches all this month.
• For the adoption process. Things necessarily took a bit of a back seat this week, but we're planning on pestering our lawyer as to the next steps in the next few days.
• For our pentad of volunteers, that their remaining time here would be one of great growth in Christ.

Praise

• For a hearty supply of happy memories from our time in Scotland, and safe travels there and back again.
• For a great night with the youth group last Saturday.

¡Que Dios les bendiga!

Craig & Amanda