Saturday Post - 19/09/2015

I (Amanda) would like to thank so many people for all the prayers, messages and support we've received over the last three weeks. Every single one has been an encouragement and has given me just one more wonderful thing to thank God for. Because that is what has continually come back to me over and over again through out the last three weeks...praise in all things. And I will be honest, I have not been very good at it. So, thank you everyone for everything that you've given us during this really difficult time; you make it just that much easier to see past the difficulties and praise God. 

Elías, the Pastor of our church here, started his sermon last Sunday with, "When was the last time you thanked God for what you have...and for what you don't have?". Probably never. I have sat down and written lists of all the things I have in my life to be thankful for, but I have never thanked God for things I don't have... the things I want, but that He hasn't given me yet, or maybe won't ever give me. I have never thanked Him for not giving us a child in the last five years. Part of me knows I should, because God is good and He has the best for me; God knows what is best for me. The other part of me is tied up in so much frustration and impatience that I can't help screwing up my face like a child and internally screaming, "It's not fair!" Of course it's not fair... when has it ever been fair? And that is, and has always been, my biggest struggle in my Christian faith. I don't struggle with the existence of God, I don't struggle with the concept of sin or my need of a Saviour, I don't struggle with sovereignty of God; I struggle with His goodness. This is probably tied into the inability I have sometimes to truly dwell in God's love me for, as I shared about a month ago (That was a month ago?!?!). I accept God's goodness, because the Bible tells me that He is good. I believe in the Bible as ultimate truth. Therefore, God is good... but most of the time instead of being calm and thinking, "It's okay that everything is ridiculously difficult right now... because God is good and He is in control," I think, "This doesn't feel overly good to me right now, God...". But despite my stubbornness and childlike tendencies, God has continued to be faithful and has been reminding me over and over again of the importance of thanksgiving. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I don't know why this surprises me... but this does actually work. The more I actively try to thank God, the easier it is to trust in His goodness. It works because thanking God reminds me of all the ways in which He has been good. The pain and the difficulties we are going through, though valid in and of themselves, hide the ways God is trying to help us through these difficulties. So, I need to make a conscious effort to look for those ways, because I can trust that they are there... because God is good. I have not become proficient at this over the last three weeks, I am actually quite poor at it, but I am trying and it is helping. 

I am so thankful for God's divine providence in having my Mom here with us while we've been going through this adoption rollercoaster. When life got crazy and absolutely everything had to be put second to this process, my Mom was here to make lunches, clean up after lunches, make baby bottles,  accompany us on visits and cry with us. She booked her flights all the way back in April... so yay, God is good.

I thank God for every moment we spent with the wee one, because he was worth it. He gave us a glimpse as to what Craig and I would be like as parents, and it was so much fun. I absolutely loved doing it with Craig, who is going to be an awesome father, if God blesses us with parenthood. It was a privilege to spend every second with him. 

I thank God for my friends here in Bolivia who remind me that my life is so full. Yes, there is sadness and pain in one aspect of my life, but my life is bigger than that. My Mom made a lovely Chinese meal for the women's Bible study group last Sunday night, which they loved...and we played games afterward and I was reminded that my life is full. And last night I had some friends over and we played Settler's of Catan and Bohnanza. It wasn't because I felt I had to minister to them, but it was because I needed to gain strength from their friendship. And it was a lot of fun...and I didn't even win either game. 

And I am so thankful that God has shown me that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was...remember my post from last month? I commented on how I struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self worth. Well, throughout all of this God revealed to me that I was more capable than I thought I was...that I could keep taking one foot and putting in front of the other when I desperately wanted to run away; that I could do the right thing when it was the hard thing. And I am so thankful that I can look in the mirror these days and be proud of myself. That has been a gift.

Please keep praying for us. We are now continuing on with our routine as before, but are trying to balance the expectations that come with the unending waiting set before us with all our responsibilities. Please keep praying that we would actively seek to be thankful when we feel overwhelmed. And thank you for the encouragement. We are truly grateful for it. 

Prayer

• For God's sustaining grace to us at this time.
• For all the preparations for the coming Marriage Course.
• For all the preparations for our upcoming Youth Camp.

Praise

• For time with friends last night...I had a fun girls' night and Craig had a guys' night. 
• For Mom's safe arrival back in Canada and for all the time she had with us here. 
• For the two days of rest and distance that we had in Santa Cruz as we saw Mom off on her way home.

¡Que Dios les Bendiga!

Craig & Amanda