Saturday Post - 04/04/2015

Craig has had a really busy week and couldn’t think of anything to say. I have had a most boring week and have tons of things to say. Also, Man U are playing in 15 minutes and Craig wants to watch it. Due to all of the above, I (Amanda) am writing the blog this week. As my week was slightly on the monotonous side, my entry is probably going to be more a collection of musings than an accounting of time as my week consisted of lying in bed, drinking lots of water and trying to take extensive naps. Yes, that is right… I have been sick… again.

Dengue is the horror flu that never ends. At the end of rainy season, before the water levels have a chance to go down, there is a lot of still water, which is the perfect breeding ground for mosquitos. An increased mosquito presence generally causes an increase in dengue fever, which is a virus transmitted by mosquitos. There is no vaccine; you just have to treat the symptoms. We have previously wondered if maybe we had contracted dengue when we’ve felt poorly before, but I am now convinced that this was my first time with it.

I know I had a very minor case of it. I experienced the traditional flu symptoms with a fever that persistently came and went, but a lot of the secondary symptoms, thankfully, bypassed me. One of the worst aspects of it, for me personally, was the weakness. There were times I would feel fine, but still couldn’t get out of bed and do anything because I just had no energy. At its worst I had to take breaks between taking a sip of water and lifting my fork to my mouth and other times I could do one task, like wash the dishes, and then go back to bed. I frequently thought I was getting better, just to have the fever come back… I was more frustrated and bored by the end of it.

I am also really grateful because I know dengue can be extremely dangerous and life threatening. Some years dengue can get so bad that they declare an epidemic; the government goes around town fumigating all public buildings and they give time off work so people can deal with the pools of still water around their homes. In the really bad years a number of people die from dengue that has developed into haemorrhagic dengue. Like I said, my case was relatively minor and I was able to stay at home in my own bed instead of getting admitted into hospital.

I am still recovering my strength and decided to skip the 6 am youth leader’s prayer meeting this morning, but I’m planning on actually attending the youth meeting tonight… my first public appearance in over a week. Which is probably why I have so much more to say than Craig this week. I’ve only really spoken to Craig and Arturo (the dog) for the past 7 days and I think Craig has gotten tired of listening to my thoughts on the origin of the word mosquito. Mosca in Spanish means fly, and ‘ito’ at the end of the word makes something small, so mosquito means ‘little fly’… but then Craig had to ruin my startling conclusion by wondering why ‘mosca’ was a feminine word and ‘mosquito’ a masculine one. Shouldn’t it be mosquita? Way to ruin my mental epiphany of the week, Craig.

I would like to continue by stating how absolutely terrific my husband was this past week. He had to get all his own work done, plus all my household chores, and take care of me… and let me tell you that I once I taught him how to use the washing machine, he became a laundry expert. I am scared I might not be able to reclaim my previously beloved task of washing the laundry; he is that enthusiastic about it now.  In all seriousness, Craig was a real blessing as he selflessly took care of me. I think by the end we were both ready for me to get better, but he was a treasure and I am extremely grateful for everything he did for me. I am sure he is very tired of me saying, “Feel my forehead, do I have a fever?” and him replying “I have no idea.” I think we need to buy a thermometer.

On to musings that actually matter: the young women’s Bible Study has started a Beth Moore study on the book of Isaiah called “Sea Libre”; that literally means “be free”, but I am not entirely sure what her English title for the book is.  She introduces the study by saying that no other book in the Bible deals with the theme of captivity and release from captivity like the book of Isaiah. She defines captivity as anything that is an obstacle to living the abundant and effective life, full of the Holy Spirit, which God has planed for them. We’re still only in week 2 of the study, but it has been enjoyable. Although, this is my first Beth Moore study since Craig’s year at Cornhill and there is now this voice at the back of my head whispering, “This isn’t very expositional” and “That verse isn’t being used in its context”. The voice just won’t go away.

However, despite its more thematic approach to the book of Isaiah I have found what we’ve done so far to be very challenging. Week 1 was looking at the lives of the kings that ruled during Isaiah’s time, and God kept bringing the issue of pride back to me over and over again. I really struggle with pride… on various levels. I struggle with knowing where the line between taking healthy pride in our accomplishments and sinful pride is. I know I do struggle with sinful pride. I struggle with sincere humility as my attempts at humility usually come out looking something like, “Wow, like at my awesome display of humility” = pride. Beth Moore explains how she has asked the Holy Spirit to reveal to her any time she falls into the trap of pride without even realising it. She mentions a time when she has finally replaced her old Bible with a new one and then had to do a speaking engagement. She dug up her old Bible as she didn’t want to use her new one. We all know how it takes time to break in a new Bible and I completely sympathized with her desire to use something she was familiar with, but she said that Holy Spirit prompted her to recognise the pride in the action. She deep down didn’t want people think she couldn’t handle her Bible expertly or find passages quickly. She was worried about what people thought about her.

I live that situation out every Saturday night, albeit internally, but it still happens. I got a new Spanish/English Bible this past year, as I don’t do my personal study with my dual language Bible, and only use it while in a Spanish setting, it is very far from being broken in.  At the youth meeting whenever the youth are asked to look up passages and stand up and read it when they find it, I mentally freak out if I can’t find the passage first. I’m not worried that I myself am losing my sword drill edge, but I am worried about what people around me are thinking, “The missionary can’t find the book of Zechariah.” Come on people, the minor prophets are short and my pages are sticking together! That’s pride.

I’m also struggling with pride at work as well. I have written about how sometimes I feel very inadequate because I do not really know what I am doing. But my pride/work issues go deeper than that… I need to reassess my motivations behind wanting to do well at work a lot. Sometimes I want to do well, not because I want to help people or do what the Lord has planned for me, fulfil a purpose, sometimes I want to do well so that people can say, “She’s really good at that”, “We couldn’t do this without Amanda” and  “She’s really making things better”.

The truth of the matter is that deep down I know that my role here is supposed to be a background, helping role. I am supposed to quietly pick up the excess work from other people, quietly get to know people and build relationships, but sometimes my work is so background and so quiet that I worry about what people think… “She’s not doing all that much”, “Haven’t really seen much of a difference since she came back”, etc. And that’s pride. And I am struggling with this in a way that I’ve never really had to before. So maybe I don’t really have inadequacy issues from some childhood trauma, but I really just have sinful pride uses. How does one even go about addressing that?

On a very exciting, less dour, note Asalia just came by to visit. For people who have read the blog going years back they will remember that Asalia was a nurse who started working at the Foundation at about the same time as our initial arrival in Trinidad. Her and I worked alongside each other a lot as I was first learning Spanish. We spent a lot of time in silence folding gauze or filling in reports. Then she asked me to be the witness at her wedding and I realised that maybe our friendship was even deeper than I thought, the language barrier being surmounted by time and physical presence. Some might remember that Asalia lost a baby and developed severe health issues due to eclampsia in 2011 and the doctors told her that her and her husband had to wait three years before trying again. While we were in Scotland last year they moved through to Santa Cruz, but they have come to Trinidad for Easter weekend and she came looking for me. And she’s pregnant again! They lost little Emily, but Asalia is 8 months along with Ana Cristina and she is being monitored carefully for pre-eclampsia this time. I am so happy for her and praise God for this wonderful gift to them. We spent an hour and half just there catching up and it was refreshing.

I am going to go eat a hamburger now. Bye for now!

Prayer:

• Amanda as she gets slowly back into work this coming week.
• Three people from Interlink are arriving in Trinidad on Tuesday for two and a half days to visit the Foundation and see the ministries here. Please pray for their travel and for their visit.
• Ruth Young, a volunteer who has been with us in the past, is returning this week as well for two months. Please pray for her as she settles in, gets used to being back and as she seeks the Lord's leading in her life.

Praise:

• Amanda's recovery - God's hand of healing on her and His sustaining energy to Craig as he did absolutely everything.
• A good time at the men's meeting last night. They finished watching "Courageous" and will be moving on to look at how to be godly men in their homes, with their families and in their jobs.
• Asalia's pregnancy! 

¡Que Dios les bendiga! And have a Happy Easter!