Home Comforts -- Number 8: Functional Internet

Dolph Lundgren's Rocky IV 'do: about as relevant as
computer keyboards, and, er, the Soviet Union.

NEEEEEEEE-nooooo-nee-nooooo-NEEEEEEE.

That, as I’m sure you worked out right away, is not a malfunctioning police siren, but the unmistakable soundtrack to dialup internet, an invention synonymous with other antiquated inventions such as keyboards, ‘email’ and flat-top haircuts.

High-speed internet is now such an integral part of ‘Global North’ citizens’ lives that the days of dialup are an increasingly fading memory. Yet Amanda and I had to very quickly reacquaint ourselves with the old way of doing things back in January 2010, when dialup was still the only form of internet available. In some respects, this was a good thing, not least in saving us from the pitfalls of procrastination while going about the Lord’s work.

Still, when the opportunity surfaced to switch to a faster connection (and broadband this was not) some months later, we jumped at the chance. And it certainly made the adjustment to life here significantly easier. Skype (for my money, in a photo-finish with e-readers for ‘Greatest ever invention for missionaries’) was now operational, bringing updates on my parents’ gardening progress at the press of a button. It was once again possible to download podcasts, so that Mark Kermode could tell me what films to go and see at my local multiplex (in Santa Cruz, 300 miles south of Trinidad). Not to mention those YouTube videos showing people performing slam-dunks with their hands tied behind their backs whilst trying to escape a car embedded in shark-infested waters (blindfolded)…all of a sudden, we were once again plugged in to real life!

Since then, we have switched to yet another plan and our internet has gone up a further notch, i.e., my email inbox will take a mere ten seconds to load rather than 20. Other improvements have hardly brought us up to speed, if you’ll excuse the pun, with the developed world. Indeed, said velocity itself varies drastically, usually being pretty rapid in the mornings and slowing down to a couple of kilobytes a second by bedtime. Rare is the Skype conversation that does not require us to hang up, disconnect from/reconnect to the internet, and then call again about half a dozen times. Have you ever seen the ‘Your message failed to send’ message in Facebook? Well, put it this way: we have!

Yep, the divide that exists between the developed and developing worlds is frequently couched in economic terms, but it certainly extends to communications. So it’s no understatement to say that during furlough, I’m rather looking forward to plonking myself in front of a computer screen, googling ‘masonic giraffe skateboards in space’ and enjoying the instantaneous, and no doubt hilarious, results.